Simpsons quotes

[Saint Joey]

Homer - Heh heh! Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

[Manhattan Green]

Originally Posted by DieHardSparty

Marge: You killed Zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a Zombie?

So emblematic of the newer episodes: that is a take-off on an old Simpsons Halloween special, when Bart is turned in to a vampire.

Grandpa: We've got to kill the boy!
Marge: How did you know he was a vampire?
Grandpa: A vampire? Aaaaaahhhhh!!!! [drops stake/hammer and flees]

[MSUStu]

Homer & Bart (singing in a conga line): "You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! (marge & maggie join them) You don't win friends with salad!"

Later in that episode, as Lisa gets rid of the pig Homer is going to BBQ:

Homer: "LISA NO!" (runs after it w/ Bart, the pig goes through bushes) "It's just a little dirty, it's still good, it's still good)

*pig now ends up in the river*

Homer: "It's just a little slimy, it's still good, it's still good!"

*pig gets shot into the air*

Homer: "It's just a little airborne it's still good! it's still good!"

Bart: "It's gone."

Homer (sad): "I know."

*cut to Mr. Burns & Smithers at the plant*

Mr. Burns: "I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage." (pause) "When Pigs Fly!!" (starts laughing)

*pig flies by window*

Smithers: "Would you be donating that check now, sir?"

Mr. Burns: "I'd still rather not."

[Saint Joey]

Originally Posted by Manhattan Green

So emblematic of the newer episodes: that is a take-off on an old Simpsons Halloween special, when Bart is turned in to a vampire.

Grandpa: We've got to kill the boy!
Marge: How did you know he was a vampire?
Grandpa: A vampire? Aaaaaahhhhh!!!! [drops stake/hammer and flees]

Yeah I picked up on that too, but it's still funny says I.

[Jim Shorts]

Originally Posted by DeputyMSU

Kent Brockman reporting on the crime spree after Springfield decided to turn out all the city lights.

Brockman: Springfield's pro-darkness policy has resulted in a spree of vandalism unmatched since the Detroit Tigers made the playoffs over two centuries ago.

That episode was on yesterday.

[Colonel Forbin]

Homer - We've only saved enough money to send you to the best college in South Carolina.

Lisa - I will not be a Game C-ock!

Homer - Oh yes you will!

[spartans17]

[spartans17]

Telemarketer (Grandpa) "Send in $1 and be guaranteed eternal happiness"

Burns "I'd be happier with the dollar".

[NorCal Spartan]

"first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women"
-- Homer

[Dingleberryexplosion]

Lionel Hutz: Mrs Simpson, your sexual harassment case is just what I need to rebuild my shattered career! Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
Marge: But it's 9:30 in the morning!
Lionel Hutz: Yeah but... I haven't slept in days. [glug, glug] Last chance! [glug, glug] Ohh yeah!

Lionel Hutz: Now Marge, you've come to the right place. By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey.
[sniff] Better cut down there, Smokey! [laughs]
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
Lionel Hutz: [excited] Look - he's taking another puff!
Marge: Mr. Hutz! This was all a misunderstanding; I didn't mean to take anything. [Lionel disappointedly drops the smoking monkey in a drawer full of identical critters]
Lionel Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me, since I kind of ran over his dog.
Marge: Is that True??
Lionel Hutz: Well...replace the words `kind of' with the word `repeatedly', and replace `dog' with `son'.

[spartaspartan]

http://www.spartantailgate.com/forum...ighlight=homer

more simpsons quotes

[Dingleberryexplosion]

Lionel Hutz: Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims she forgot she was carrying that bottle of... delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. [To bottle] What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!

[Brock F@%ing Sampson]

Ralph: "My mouth tastes like burning"

[spartaspartan]

Some quotes to hopefully brighten your day

Bart: Dad, remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed, "I'm a hemophiliac: and when he let you go you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Yeah?
Bart: Will you teach me how to do that?
Homer: Sure boy, First you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing til he turns away in disgust. That's when itts time to kick some butt

Lou: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place
Wiggum: Forget it, thats two blocks away
Lou: Looks like ther's beer coming out of the chimney
Wiggum: I am preceeding on foot, call in a code eight
Lou: We need pretzels, repeat, pretzels

Lisa: Look,, theres only one way to settle this....rock/paper/scissors
Lisa's brain: poor predictable bart. Always takes rock
Barts brain: Good ol rock. Noth'n beats that
Bart: Rock!
Lisa: Paper!
Bart: D'oh!

Wiggum: Oh, uh, I'm on a road. Uh, looks to be ashpalt....um oh geez, trees, shrubs. I'm directly under the Earths sun.......now!

NASA man: Well Homer, I guess you win by default
Homer: De-fault. The two sweetest words in the english language

Marge: Homer, I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class
Homer: Marge, I didn't tell em personal stuff
Marge: Today in the kwik e mart everybody knew I dyed my hair
Homer: Oh, you mean about YOU

Brockman: This is hour 57 of our live round the clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember to turn ina 8 for highlights of todays vigil, including when the garbage man came and when Marge took the cat out. Pssibly because it was harassed, we don't know

Grandpa: I'm an elk, a mason, a communist....I'm president of the gay and lesbian alliance for some reason...ah, her it is, the stonecutters

Homer: Barney's film had feeling, but "football in the groin" had a football in the groin

Homer: ok don't panic. To find Flanders I just have to think like Flanders
Homer's brain: I'm a big four eyed lameo and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and --
Homer: The Springfield River!

Homer: Nobody knows the band Grand Funk? The wild shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner? The bong rattling bass of Mel shocker? The competent drum work of Don Brewer?

Kent Brockman: This just in: Go to Hell!

Hank: Good afternoon gelntleman. this is scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliever the gold or you face the consequences. and to prove Im not bluffing watch this
UN member: Oh, my God! The 59th street bridge
UN member 2: maye it just collapsed on its own
UN member: we can't take that chance
UN member 2: You always say that. I want to take a chance
Hank: You have 72 hours gentlemen

Kirk Van Houten: Can I borrow a feeling / Could you lend me a jar of love / Hurtin hearts need some healin / Take my hand with your glove of love

[spartaspartan]

from grandpa

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville (which is what they called Shelbyville in those days). So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.


"Then I realized I could make money by selling my medication to deadheads"

[Deeelicious]

Springfield Cemetary: Come for the funeral, stay for the pie.

[Lotion in the Basket]

Homer - "Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now lets go back to that...building...thingie...where are beds and TV...is."

[Denver Spartanhead]

Hi folks I'm Troy McClure you might now me from such films as""

[Dr. Spartan2k]

Save me Jebus!

[Manhattan Green]

Originally Posted by Denver Spartanhead

Hi folks I'm Troy McClure you might now me from such films as""

'Man versus Nature: The Road to Victory'

or self-help videos such as,

'Smoke Yourself Thin' or 'Get Some Confidence, Stupid!'

[Xeones]

Bart - "Grampa, didn't you ever wonder why you were getting checks in the mail for doing absolutely nothing?"

Grampa - "I just figured it was because the Democrats were back in power"

--------

Lisa - " I think it's ironic that a thinner man would have fallen to his death"

Bart - "And I think it's ironic that for once, dad's butt prevented the release of noxious...."

Marge - "Bart!"

_____

Homer - "Dad, you and your stories. 'Bart broke my teeth, the nurses are stealing my money, this lump on my neck is getting bigger. If you don't shape up we're going to put you in a home."

Grampa - "You already put me in a home"

Homer - "Then we're going to put you in that crooked home we saw on 60 minutes"

Grampa - "I'll be good"

[Ozymandias]

"Some folk'll never lose a toe,
but then again some folk'll,
like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel.

Some folk'll never eat a skunk,
but then again some folk'll,
like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel."

Cletus: "Hey Brandean, I found these shoes here that you can wear to your job interview."
Brandean: "And scuff up the topless dancin' stage? You best put'em back from wheres ya got'em."

Cletus: "Hey, I can call my ma from up here....HEY MA, GET OFF THE DANG ROOF!"

[Ocens11]

Homer: "It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen."

[spartanbball]

Homer: Turkey....the only thing smarter than man.
Homer(while looking at a turkey through the scope): OH MY GOD...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
Homer(looking at moe's shadow through the scope): OH MY GOD....A COUGAR!!!