Stuff White People Like

[Andy_H]

Stuff White People Like

#51 Living by the water

February 4, 2008 by clander

It is hardly a secret that all white people love being near water. And why wouldn’t they? It has so many of the activities that they love to do: swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sailing, and it’s a perfect place to read next to.
But before we move on, let’s not gloss over that last point. White people love to be near a body of water so they can read a book, while sitting nearby. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near some water. Extreme reading!

[Todd Farkman]

[goodbar]

Ever seen an Eggland's Best commercial? They sure want you to think white people love their product.

[nat006]

Mayo?

[AASpartan]

#40 Apple Products

January 30, 2008 by clander


It is surprising that it took all the way to #40 to call out Apple products. Initially, we were planning for an entire week on Apple products, but that would just be over kill. Plain and simple, white people don’t just like Apple, they love and need Apple to operate.


On the surface, you would ask yourself, how is that white people love a multi-billion dollar company with manufacturing plants in China, mass production, and that contributes to global pollution through the manufacture of consumer electronic devices?
Simple answer: Apple products tell the world you are creative and unique. They are an exclusive product line only used by every white college student, designer, writer, English teacher, and hipster on the planet.


You see, a long time ago Apple’s were super popular among layout artists and graphic designers. Then Apple released Final Cut Pro and became the standard for film editors. As a result, lots of creative industries used Apple computers instead of PCs. Eventually, people started making the connection, and all of a sudden all white people need to have a Mac.


When you ask white people about Mac’s they will say “oh, it’s so much better than Windows,” “it’s just easier to use,” “they are so cutting edge,” and so forth. What’s amazing is that white people NEED to meet people who use Windows to justify themselves spending an extra $500 for a pretty looking machine.
It is also important that white people are reminded of their creativity, and remember you need a Mac to creatively check email, creatively check websites, and creatively watch DVDs on planes.
White people also need iPods, iPhones, Apple TV, AirPort Express stations, and anything else that Apple will produce. Because you need to express your uniqueness by purchasing everything that a publicly traded company produces.
Apple products also come with stickers. Some people put them on their computer, some people put them on windows, but to take it to the pinnacle of whiteness, you need to put the Apple sticker in the rear window of your Prius, Jetta, BMW, Subaru 4WD Station Wagon or Audi. You then need to drive to a local coffee shop (Starbucks will do in a pinch) and set up your apple for the world to see. Thankfully, the Apple logo on the back will light up! So even in a dark place, people can see how unique and creative you (and the five other people doing the exact same thing) truly are!
Knowledge of Apple products can be useful in a number of social situations. If you see a white person with a Mac, an easy way to approach them is to say “Is that a Powerbook? What OS do you have?” They will happily start talking to you, after the requisite five minutes, you can invite them to an 80s night.

[Manhattan Green]

Things whitey whines about:

“How is it that some people don’t turn off the typing sound on iPhone?”

http://whitewhine.tumblr.com/

[#1]

White people need organic food to survive

[AASpartan]

#30 Wrigley Field

January 27, 2008 by mylosh



One of the best things someone can do to gain the respect and trust of a white person, is to attend a baseball game with them at Wrigley Field, the home of the Chicago Cubs. When most people think of the Chicago Cubs they think of tradition, ivy covered walls, Fergie Jenkins & Harry Caray. A more accurate representation would be khaki shorts, frat boys & rich white business men on their iphones. The 1980s television show Perfect Strangers best illustrates this point. In the opening credits, foreigner Balky Bartokomous is taken to Wrigley Field. This was more or less symbolic of what Balky had to do, to understand white America.

Ethnic person (third from left) gaining the trust of white people
Reasons why white people like Wrigley Field
1. Experiencing tradition at a high cost
2. Located on the North Side
3. Its Trendy
4. Comfortable Surroundings
1. Experiencing tradition at a high cost
The main reason why people flock to Wrigley Field each year is the fact that it is one of the few ballparks that is trapped in time. People come to experience baseball tradition (although the definition of tradition when it comes to baseball is sketchy, remember the sport did not integrate until 1947). However this tradition comes at a high cost, which white people don’t mind. On prime dates a ticket in the bleachers costs $45. But this does not deter rich white people from enjoying the “simpler things” in life. Wrigley is an old stadium where people still pee in troths, but white people love paying top dollar to do this. They also like being around “real baseball fans”, even though most of the people in the bleachers are drunk rich frat kids that aren’t from Chicago and have no idea who Ernie Banks is. Compare that to the left field pavilion in Dodger Stadium , where tickets are $11 and the people are much more fun and less irritating However the left field pavilion is generally the hispanic section which makes it less of a tourist attraction than the Wrigley bleachers (Unlike having black friends see post #14, it is not yet cool to have Hispanic friends)
2. Located on the North Side
Wrigley Field is located on the North Side of Chicago. The North side is basically the gentrified, trendy part of Chicago. Also many white people listen to Jim Croce (whom most think is black) and the perception of most non-Chicago people (the majority of Cubs fans) of the Windy city is through the song “Bad. bad, Leroy Brown”
Well the south side of chicago
Is the baddest part of town
And if you go down there
You better just beware
Of a man named leroy brown
This is one of the main reasons why people do not venture to watch the Chicago White Sox. They are located on the South Side which is viewed as the “baddest part of town” where of course black people named “Leroy” live.
3. Its Trendy
Liking the Cubs right now is trendy. They haven’t won a World Series since 1908, they are located on the North Side and celebrities like them. Bill Murray, John Cusak, and Hillary Clinton (although she flip flops between them and the Yankees) are all Cubs fans. One should keep up to date on things that are trendy in order to befriend more white people. ie) eating expensive Indian food, shopping Organic, or going on a wild rose detox. So for the upcoming season, try to know at least one player on the Chicago Cubs and defend Mark Prior at all costs
4. Comfortable Surroundings
Wrigley Field is known as the Friendly Confines and white people feel comfortable there because other than Ronnie Woo Woo, most Cubs fans are white (and we are not talking about the white people that go to White Sox games). Next to a Dave Matthews Band reunion concert, one can not find a bigger collection of khaki shorts and golf shirts than the Wrigley Bleachers. Also once a friend of mine was sitting in the bleachers next to a pretty girl with an LSU sweater. She was talking about Baton Rouge and said “I love it but I can’t stand all the n%#%%ers” TRUE STORY. What is most disturbing is the fact that she said this in such a nonchalant manner. Simply put, this individual from the south finally found a place in the North where she felt her views were acceptable. I sense that if she were sitting in the Left Field Pavallion at Dodger Stadium, she would not be so open about her true feelings.

So if you find it difficult to befriend white people, it doesn’t help to know a little something about the Cubs and to suggest a trip to Wrigley Field.

[Chitown_Badger]

Originally Posted by AASpartan

I just got an ipod nano from my girlfriend for vday last night...I'm so much a part of that culture now...it feels great

[bruco]

The Toyota Prius entry is spot on.

This website is great.

[just the tip]

Tiger Woods

[AASpartan]

Originally Posted by Chitown_Badger

I just got an ipod nano from my girlfriend for vday last night...I'm so much a part of that culture now...it feels great

Well then you'll be dipped in clorox after reading #30

[barberb6]

that site is amazing. So funny.

I went into reading all the things white people like thinking that the site couldn't possibly name things that I like, but I was wrong. Dang...why am I so white?

[bruco]

"This is in spite of the fact that Whole Foods is a profit driven-publicly traded corporation that has wisely discovered that making white people feel good about buying stuff is outrageously profitable."

[Manhattan Green]

"It’s weird that there are some white people who won’t take aspirin, but will take Ecstasy, Cocaine, Xanax and Vicodin."

[Maize and Blue]

Taking trips to Mackinac or Frankenmuth. You never see any black people there

[A.M. wood]

i've never seen black people camping.

[#1]

Originally Posted by A.M. wood

i've never seen black people camping.

I was thinking the same thing while reading the article

[AASpartan]

Originally Posted by A.M. wood

i've never seen black people camping.

I camped with some kids back when I was in Boy Scouts...so SOME of them do.

[A.M. wood]

Originally Posted by AASpartan

I camped with some kids back when I was in Boy Scouts...so SOME of them do.

race war!

[Will Teasle]

Originally Posted by Manhattan Green

"It’s weird that there are some white people who won’t take aspirin, but will take Ecstasy, Cocaine, Xanax and Vicodin."

Who created crack? And who sells it best? I'll hang up and listen....

[dturner242]

Houghton Lake Bud Bash.

[Plate of Shrimp]

wow, that website is amazing!

[sec.27]

Originally Posted by A.M. wood

i've never seen black people camping.

Or sitting in the Izzone.

This site should more accurately be titled "what white liberal people like." Yoga, Toyota Prius, sushi, PBS, etc. are things conservatives would generally shun. (Notice also the fact that NASCAR is not listed. Definitely white, but definitely conservative.)

How about a thread about what black people like? Could be funny. Could be too sensitive for the politically correct.