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08-05-2008, 03:00 PM
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 #1 (permalink)
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 #10 Delvon Roe
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Charles Haley was a helluva teammate
Charles Haley Would Like You To Watch Him Masturbate | Kissing Suzy Kolber
Quote:
Jeff Pearlman has a new book coming out in September called Boys Will Be Boys, which chronicles the Cowboys during the Aikman-Smith-Irvin glory years. Tucked inside the book is a chapter called “The Last Naked Warrior,” which is a nickname defensive end Charles Haley used for himself. Haley, if you recall, was a goddamn beast of a pass rusher, and also a legendary *******. But what you may not know about Haley is that he was:
A) Legitimately insane
B) Hung like Milton Berle
C) Liked jacking off in front of teammates and coaches
And not playful jerking off. We’re talking the real, hardcore, I’m-home-and-my-wife-is-at-the-movies jerking off. I’ll let Pearlman fill you in:
Haley would stroll up to an unsuspecting (49er) teammate, whip out his phallus, and repeatedly stroke it in his face. Players initially laughed it off…
Hey look, it’s Charles’ huge erection! And he’s pleasuring himself! Man, that is funny.
But Haley refused to stop. He would jerk off in the locker room, in the trainer’s room. He’d wrap his hand around his *****, turn toward a Joe Montana or John Taylor, and bellow, ‘You know you wanna suck this!’
Well, it was San Francisco. I, for one, am glad to see that Haley liked to go native. I’m assuming Montana replied, “Really? I know I wanna suck that? Well, it hadn’t occurred to me before. But now that you’re masturbating right in front of me in a completely unprofessional manner, I can see your point.”
Pearlman also gets this quote from Michael Silver:
”Charles used to beat off in meetings while talking graphically about other players’ wives. It got to the point of ejaculation.”
Well, if you don’t reach the point of ejaculation, there IS no point. Am I right? Think about this quote for just a moment. You go to work. You go sit in a meeting. Then Bob from Accounting decides to take out his Frankencock and starts talking about banging your wife, and then orgasms right in front of you.
That’s… unusual. It won’t surprise you to know that Haley was also a raging homophobe, saying to a new Cowboy teammate once:
“You’re from California? You must be a ****ing **********.”
And he would know! Because he was in California once, jerking off in front of large groups of other men. I haven’t seen a homosexual this insecure since Vin Diesel. Brady Quinn would like him to sign with the Browns ASAP.
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__________________
"Pain, or damage don't end the world. Or despair. Or ****in' beatins. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man...and give some back."
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."
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08-05-2008, 03:04 PM
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#2 (permalink)
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Mark Dantonio
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"B) Hung like Milton Berle"
Is that good or bad?
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I love lamp.
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08-05-2008, 03:07 PM
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#3 (permalink)
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#10 Delvon Roe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Motionfan
"B) Hung like Milton Berle"
Is that good or bad?
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It means he's big. If you read the rest of the article, they make comments about it.
__________________
"Pain, or damage don't end the world. Or despair. Or ****in' beatins. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man...and give some back."
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."
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08-05-2008, 03:11 PM
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#4 (permalink)
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#5 Travis Walton
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Did the author write that about Brady Quinn? WTF?
__________________
George Bush doesn't care about gay fish.
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08-05-2008, 03:12 PM
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#5 (permalink)
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#10 Delvon Roe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Super Nintendo Chalmers
Did the author write that about Brady Quinn? WTF?
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Yes, the author of the article did. Haven't you seen people on the internet make jokes about Brady Quinn and claim he is gay?
__________________
"Pain, or damage don't end the world. Or despair. Or ****in' beatins. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man...and give some back."
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."
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08-05-2008, 03:12 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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#22 Larry Caper
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Makes you wonder what other kind of freaky stuff goes on in NFL locker rooms 
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08-05-2008, 03:13 PM
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#7 (permalink)
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#5 Travis Walton
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozymandias
Yes, the author of the article did. Haven't you seen people on the internet make jokes about Brady Quinn and claim he is gay?
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Yeah, but that's on message boards, this was in a book?
__________________
George Bush doesn't care about gay fish.
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08-05-2008, 03:13 PM
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#8 (permalink)
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Location: miami
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so, as a coach, how do you conduct those team meetings?
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08-05-2008, 03:22 PM
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#10 (permalink)
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Mark Dantonio
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Uncle Milty (Berle) was rumored to be packin 14" of man meat back in the day...(the 50s) a little ugly dude with all the hollywood starlets of the time.
Not bad for a guy about 5'5
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08-05-2008, 03:26 PM
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#11 (permalink)
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#10 Delvon Roe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Super Nintendo Chalmers
Yeah, but that's on message boards, this was in a book?
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Okay...I didn't quote an excerpt of the book. I quoted an article that has excerpts from the book. Do you honestly think that the author of a damn book would make that Brady Quinn joke? That was the AUTHOR OF THE ARTICLE.
__________________
"Pain, or damage don't end the world. Or despair. Or ****in' beatins. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man...and give some back."
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."
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08-05-2008, 03:29 PM
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#12 (permalink)
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#1 Kalin Lucas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozymandias
Okay...I didn't quote an excerpt of the book. I quoted an article that has excerpts from the book. Do you honestly think that the author of a damn book would make that Brady Quinn joke? That was the AUTHOR OF THE ARTICLE.
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That isnt an article, its a blog post
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"The place was filled with every cutthroat and low-life from Bombay to Calcutta. It was worse than being in Detroit."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibernia
I prefer my women to be like Petway:
thin mohawk strip of hair, always riding the pine, and a complete failure to put up any defense.
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08-05-2008, 03:31 PM
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#13 (permalink)
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#10 Delvon Roe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pulling69
That isnt an article, its a blog post
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Those seem like the same things. I refer to what someone posts on Deadspin as an article and these sites are the same kinda things.
__________________
"Pain, or damage don't end the world. Or despair. Or ****in' beatins. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man...and give some back."
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."
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08-05-2008, 03:36 PM
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#14 (permalink)
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#1 Kalin Lucas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozymandias
Those seem like the same things. I refer to what someone posts on Deadspin as an article and these sites are the same kinda things.
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KissingSuzyKolber is a blog
__________________
"The place was filled with every cutthroat and low-life from Bombay to Calcutta. It was worse than being in Detroit."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibernia
I prefer my women to be like Petway:
thin mohawk strip of hair, always riding the pine, and a complete failure to put up any defense.
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08-05-2008, 03:39 PM
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#15 (permalink)
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#10 Delvon Roe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pulling69
KissingSuzyKolber is a blog
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Okay, I was wrong. THE BLOGGER MADE THE JOKES ABOUT BRADY QUINN AND VIN DIESEL.
__________________
"Pain, or damage don't end the world. Or despair. Or ****in' beatins. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man...and give some back."
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."
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08-05-2008, 03:46 PM
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#16 (permalink)
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Walk-On
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__________________
Games are won in three places:
1) In the film room
2) On the court
3) On the message boards.
--Sugar Sweet Pete McGrain
I don't know why, but I just can't enjoy breakfast when I'm not at a strip club.
Rich Rodriguez will be fired or leave his job in disgrace. 'His [MAC-level talent] players' can't save him from his own stupidity. 10/31/8
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08-05-2008, 03:56 PM
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#17 (permalink)
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#23 Javon Ringer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mentalstate
so, as a coach, how do you conduct those team meetings?
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I guess talking football in meetings just aroused old Charles. I mean they talking tight ends, split ends, penetration, etc.
I'm guessing the coach is looking nervously at Charles, tosses him a towel and says "would you please finish already!!!!" 
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Our mascot is the Spartan, which is native to Greece. Your mascot is the Wolverine, which is native to landfills.
It's a great day to be a Spartan!!!
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08-05-2008, 04:14 PM
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#18 (permalink)
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#25 Blair White
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That kind of stuff will cause you to lose apostle status.
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Charter member of the Little Brother bandwagon. 
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08-05-2008, 04:17 PM
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#19 (permalink)
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#25 Blair White
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mentalstate
so, as a coach, how do you conduct those team meetings?
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From a distance.
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Charter member of the Little Brother bandwagon.
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08-05-2008, 04:52 PM
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#20 (permalink)
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Mark Dantonio
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I think there was a guy on Michigan's football team this dude needs to get together with...
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08-05-2008, 04:59 PM
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#21 (permalink)
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Mark Dantonio
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mentalstate
so, as a coach, how do you conduct those team meetings?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Babies Need Tickets
From a distance.
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Like a Gallagher show... 
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08-05-2008, 05:01 PM
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#22 (permalink)
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tell you what, he must have been the baddest man alive to get away with talking that way to other players about their wives directly in their faces...
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08-05-2008, 05:08 PM
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#23 (permalink)
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#61 Arthur Ray Jr.
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If you can play like Haley, you get away with a ton of stuff. Of course some people will say doing what he did isn't as bad as what Favre did. Whatever. Bottom line, when you can play like he could play at that level for that many years, coaches and teammates tend to look the other way. Just help us win baby and you can sacrifice that goat at your locker.
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Boom Boom Boom Boom.
John Lee Hooker
"The (Detroit Media's) new definition of gutsy is having your team down by 2 touchdowns and then failing in OT" GRR Spartan
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08-05-2008, 05:08 PM
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#24 (permalink)
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#10 Delvon Roe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dwags
If you can play like Haley, you get away with a ton of stuff. Of course some people will say doing what he did isn't as bad as what Favre did. Whatever. Bottom line, when you can play like he could play at that level for that many years, coaches and teammates tend to look the other way. Just help us win baby and you can sacrifice that goat at your locker.
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Why the **** did you have to bring Favre into this?
__________________
"Pain, or damage don't end the world. Or despair. Or ****in' beatins. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man...and give some back."
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone."
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08-05-2008, 05:09 PM
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#25 (permalink)
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#25 Blair White
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TTIWWP
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"I didn’t realize it was Happy Hopping Moron Day." - Squidward
Quote:
Originally Posted by nedgo
MINNIE'S LAW
A. Bacon can be added to any food to make that food better.
B. No food can be added to bacon to make bacon better.
C. Therefore, bacon is better than any other food.
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